NICHOLE VAUGHAN

 June 16th, 2022

9:28 am: It’s Thursday. 

day four of feeling like an imposter! 

how did I get invited to be part of this badass cohort of educators, writers, and compassionate people?

should I do a found poem for this log? 

goddamn, these people are too fast to keep up. 

too much genius in the room. I mean, Zoom.

I am thinking about The Anti-Racist Writing Workshop: How to Decolonize the Creative Classroom by Felicia Rose Chavez. She writes about the importance of building community as she quotes bell hooks: “‘I think that a feeling of community creates a sense that there is shared commitment and a common good that binds us.’” 

Chavez goes on and says it is her practice to greet each student by name to start class. 

It is decided: my daily log is in recognition of all of your voices and the ways that you use them. (note: do not get caught up with chronology + this just SCRATCHES the surface)

“Candy Rain” opens the day and my dog hears it and trots around the corner to look into the office and tilt his head as if to say, “Why aren’t you dancing?” 

Zinia introduces the Write into the Day, and she has a bitmoji of her in a Warriors jersey. Am I a bad fan if I think that winning a championship on the road feels anti-climactic? Whatever. Fuck Boston. Zinia tells us “Get creative” which is an invitation. 

Pamela has an Ear Hustle book on her bookshelf behind her. I want to tell her all about how my students wrote to Earlonne and Curtis, and Curtis came to visit them in 2019.

Dr. Mechele captures the love, care, and annoyance between family members really beautifully and authentically in her dialogue. This is the second time she’s utilized that…I hope she finishes writing that book with her nephew. 

Rebekah shares a story about a magician! And doves! And piano keys! And vision! Ha!

I would want to share my shit, too, if I was given “prestidigitation.”  

Carmen starts her demo with a challenging question. The answer always feels elusive: “Who are you?” She leads us through a semester of learning in a little over an hour. I’m blown away. I bookmark everything and add “figure out and make Weeblys” to my “to-do” list. The care, encouragement, and engagement throughout Carmen’s demo shows that she is (to borrow Carmen’s language) “bringing up” all of her students in a culture of celebration and expression and not lowering them into the feeling that their stories are unimportant. More reminders I mentally bookmark as she says them: “You are the keeper of your own boundaries,” “I like things messy,” “I emerge with my students.” Wow.

Heidi has spent time in an ashram? And has dressed in drag? I want to know more!

Mariam is Iranian and also adjusting to her identity as an avocado-toast-loving Californian. I want to know more! Not enough time…

Trey shares about a meaningful roasting pan and wanting to always be near bodies of water. Same.

Lily has a “Big ol’ naked lady lamp” that I DEFINITELY want to see, and it reminds her of her grandma. 

“The ancestors are in the room” Carmen comments. 

Neat how people can live on through things. 

Meilani’s poetry is read: “FUCK MONEY, PERIOD…FUCK ACADEMIC COACHES…FUCK YOUR PRINCIPAL, DOING THE DOUGIE.” I don’t care what people say: there is great care in the word “FUCK.”

 

Mo’s demo is so cool, man. POV can open up discussions about so much more! Tone! Syntax! Interpersonal reflection and discussion! And what a treat that Mo shares his writing with his students. They are so lucky. We’re so lucky. Man, his school is missing out next year. I hope he finds his way back to the classroom one day. 

“How To” pieces seem so simple on the surface. Instructional. But each one reveals so much nuance. What a cool way to get students to write about themselves. 

And GOOD LORD, Mo’s Zoom multi-tasking skills are PERFECT. I try not to say that word, ever. But did y’all see his Zoom moves? Impeccable. 

I wrote my “How To” on “How to Avoid Grading,” but I wish I would have written it on “How to Know that the Warriors Will Get Another Ring” 

You know Steph is gonna Steph.

Asha comments on the Celeste Ng piece:”…It is clear the author has a complicated relationship with her mother and is still wrestling through those feelings in this story.” Girllllll, don’t/aren’t we all. And by “we” I mean Asian adoptees. 

Rebecca also comments: (Not unlike the second conversation in my head when I am talking to my own mother.) “Second conversation in my head…” hmm, I wonder if Rebecca is a ruminator like me. Should I shout, “RUMINATORSSSSS, MOUNT UP” a la Warren G’s “Regulators”???? No. I won’t do it. No one is going to get that terrible joke.

Sharon gives me a “mmhmm” and a head nod in a breakout room. Non-verbal communication is just as powerful as verbal. Thanks, Sharon!

Ken comments on the othering involved in using “you” and later elaborates on the dissociative effect it has when using it to talk about yourself. I nod my head in agreement. 

Daniel has an anthropology background and addresses the use of “we.” My brain, maybe mistakenly, jumps to Patricia Lockwood writing, “All my life I have overheard, all my life I have listened to what people will let slip when they think you are part of their we.” 

Samantha and I have the same favorite line from Mo’s piece: “Find the other outsiders–the friends, peers and roommates who are as lost as you are.” Oh, lots of others like that one, too. What does that say about us?

Monica waterfalls in the chat: “Pores. Your sweat must be smelling a particular way.” I smile to myself and think about my neighbors in every hot yoga class I’ve been in.  

Hillary waterfalls in the chat: “Flit from crisis to crisis, tend to wounds, ask questions, but always remain silent.” Silence. So much can be done and felt in silence.

Jennifer waterfalls in the chat: “Suck in your stomach and hope she can’t see the fact that you consumed nine thousand carb calories of airport food a few hours ago.” I wonder who the “she” is and where Jennifer was going?

Ann waterfalls in the chat: “Why was it that you had never up to that point told your kids that they were Korean American?” I wonder this about my mom, but it’s probably for different reasons. I am also reminded that I want to see a picture of Ann’s beagle-mix dog. 

Gautam shares the story behind his name, making me realize that our names have so much more meaning than just identifying who we are. Our names are also demonstrative of geographical and cultural points in our parents’ journeys and so, so, sooooooo much more.

Will there EVER be enough time for all it?